If you are a Baby Boomer you have it rough these days. Not only are you trying to plan for your own retirement and old age in a deteriorating economy, but it’s likely you have to plan for your parents’ retirement and old age as well. (In fact, some of you are your parents’ plan for old age!) It may not be an urgent need yet, but I’m sure you have questions and are looking for answers.

Well, if you have time on October 30 at 1pm E.T. tune in with NAELA (National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys) and AARP (American Association of Retired People) for their free webcast entitled “Aging in America-How to Plan for It”. These are knowledgeable people who can provide good answers to the questions you have about how to plan for your own future and that of your parents, what options you have and how to stay in control, and when you really need to start taking action.

Of course, if you don’t have time on October 30, or if you want answers sooner, you can always call our office. Our own knowledgeable staff is available to provide the answers and assistance you need to navigate the ever more complicated terrain of aging in America.And we can address your unique situation and specific questions. We know you Baby Boomers have it hard, and we want to help.

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Do women have a disproportional amount of responsibility when it comes to caring for aging parents? As members of the “sandwich generation” watch their parents age, they find themselves falling more and more into stereotypical care-giving gender roles. Or so claims Jane Gross in her NY Times blog The New Old Age. In her post from September 23, Gross gives advice to women who find themselves taking on the role of caregiver, while their siblings, (and brothers are mentioned specifically) watch from afar.

Gross recommends the website Dutiful Daughters (and Sainted Sons) which provides coping and caring resources for children who have taken on the care-giving role. The website belongs to a group of Elder Care Advocates and Geriatric Care Managers whose goal it is to better equip and support those children who find themselves thrown—sometimes reluctantly—into the role of caregiver.

Gross goes out on a limb in this blog post, sharing the less-than-generous feelings she had toward her own brother when he was less involved than she in caring for their mother, and she shares her experience in accepting and coming to terms with this inequality. The reactions and comments from her readers range from grateful and understanding to horrified and angry. They mirror the range of reactions that can be found in adult children who are caring for their parents without the help of siblings.

What is truly tragic about this is how often family relationships are ruined by these fights between family members. Some siblings even go so far as to take legal action against one another. As Jane Gross can tell you, there is no easy solution to this issue, but certain steps taken early can help to relieve the tension. Going with your siblings to see an Elder Law Attorney can give everyone a clear picture of the extreme financial and physical demands placed on care-givers, and how to best deal with those demands—not each alone, but as a family.

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In spite of the growing numbers of adult children finding themselves in the situation of having to care for elderly parents, the role of caretaker can be a lonely and frustrating one. But now there’s a place for caretakers to go online where they can get relevant news, good information, familiar stories, and most importantly: camaraderie.

The place is The New Old Age blog, by New York Times reporter Jane Gross. Some of Ms. Gross’ most recent posts deal with the serious issues of Elder Abuse, or the stance of our two presidential candidates on long-term care. However, she also writes about lighter (but no less interesting) topics such as irritation at being called by your first name, or the transition from analog to digital T.V.

The best part about Jane Gross’ blog is that she isn’t afraid to share her own experiences. In fact, one of the most moving posts on her blog is one from early July entitled What I Wish I’d Done Differently, in which she shares her own thoughts about taking care of her elderly mother.

When you are serving as caregiver for an elderly parent, having an outlet for your feelings, and a community of individuals who can sympathize with your plight is just as important as having advisors who are versed in the ins and outs of Medicare and Elder Law. Jane Gross’ New Old Age blog is that community.

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Emily Dickinson knew firsthand that the aging of our parents can take us by surprise. Most of us hold an image in our hearts of our parents as they were when we were children: young, strong, and sure. They were our providers and our protectors, and stood between us and the more frightening aspects of the world at large. It can be difficult to let go of that comforting image. In fact, many people won’t let go of it until tragedy strikes.

But there are consequences to waiting until tragedy strikes. At best, you pay the price of being unprepared—looking for answers to bewildering questions, unsure of where to go for help, and spending valuable time reinventing the wheel. This is the scenario described by Jessica Marquez in her article Elder Care Programs Take Center Stage as Baby Boomers Age.

At worst, the tragedy that strikes is a true tragedy, and you beat yourself up wondering what preventative measures you might have taken, what you could have done differently if only you had faced the changing situation and prepared yourself and your parents for the changes that come with age.

Marquez’s article shines a ray of hope on the situation. In it she points out that not only are there people and programs to help you prepare for the possibility of caring for your parents, but that help may be closer than you think. With a larger percentage of the workforce moving into the “sandwich” situation of caring for aging parents and young children at the same time, some employers are reaching out to help by offering elder care assistance programs.

This comes as a relief to a lot of people because it means that if and when you find yourself having to care for elderly parents, you don’t have to start from scratch. It means you have a starting point, and maybe even a solution, right there in your own Human Resources office.

Even if your parents are fit as fiddles, it’s worth it to look around and know what your options are should tragedy indeed strike. Don’t let yourself be caught in the same situation as Rose Stanley—frightened, in an unfamiliar place, and seemingly without resources.

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If you are the child of parents who are now over the age of 65 you’ve probably given at least some passing thought to the day when one of your parents may need Long Term Care. Perhaps that still seems a long way off, or perhaps you see some of the warning signs already. Either way, there are steps you can take now to make the transition to giving and receiving care later easier on both you and your parents.

First and foremost, talk about it with your parents. It may seem like a difficult subject to broach, but it is necessary if you want to be able to work cooperatively in the future. Find out if your parents have already thought about the topic, if they’ve made provisions for it, or if they have any specific wishes.

Second, encourage your parents to create an Estate Plan if they don’t have one already. An Estate Plan will be important in expressing your parents’ wishes on necessary issues such as preferred agents in case of incapacity, financial power of attorney, and health care decisions. These essential documents will prevent many expensive delays and frustrating red tape in the future.

Third, think about what steps you and your parents may need to take to prepare for the financial burden of Long Term Care, because there will be a financial burden. Mellody Hobson of ABC News has some suggestions on how to plan, and what your financial options are. She describes the more well-known options of Medicaid and Long Term Care Insurance, as well as some lesser known options such as a Dependent Care Account.

The most important thing to remember as you think and talk about these issues is that you don’t have to—and you shouldn’t—go through this alone. Elder Law and Long Term Care are intricate and convoluted subjects, and you can serve your parents and your family best by getting the help of caring professionals whose business it is to guide you smoothly through the ins and outs of Elder Care. This includes professionals such as doctors, geriatric care managers, financial advisors, and yes—estate planning attorneys. Let us help you look into the future with confidence and clear eyes.

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Many of our clients come to us with questions about Elder Law, and we are happy to be able to share information not only for our elderly clients (about Medicare or Long Term care) but for their children and loved ones as well (about care giving or the plight of the Sandwich Generation.) However, a recent article in the Irish Times served as a reminder that sometimes we learn best when dry facts and figures are presented in context, and one of the most engaging ways to learn is through quality fiction or memoir.

Quality novels or biographies about the aging or care taking process are not nearly as difficult to find as they may once have been. A search on Amazon.com yields a number of books about care giving, living with Alzheimer’s or dementia, and saying goodbye to elderly parents. Many Baby Boomers have found themselves taking on unanticipated roles as their parents grow older, not knowing the best way to care for them (or in some cases say goodbye), and many of them have chosen to share their experiences through publication.

One of the most highly rated memoirs to be found is Mothering Mother by Carol D. O’Dell. (A preview of which can be found here.) Other highly rated memoirs include Dancing with Rose by Lauren Kessler, and Still Alice by Lisa Genova. All of these books serve not only to relate the experience of caring for a loved one, but also to reach out to others who are caring for their parents, and feel alone in doing so.

As we age, and as we watch those we love age, we need many different kinds of support. Having a knowledgeable attorney to answer legal questions is only part of the equation, a role our firm is honored to serve. But we know that emotional support is needed as well, and a community of others who have been through it before, and can offer sympathy and encouragement. We hope that the books listed above can help.

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We’ve had one or two posts on our blog about caring for elderly parents, written for the most part for those who are—or who will someday be—providing the care. Today, finally we have a post for those who are the recipients of that care, inspired by a recent article on ElderLawAnswers.com entitled How Parents Can Provide For A Caregiver Child.

Parents know how much their children may have to give up in order to care for their needs. In fact, we know that many parents allow their children to care for them only reluctantly. And these parents, while they want to be fair to all their children, also want to do something extra for the child who has taken on the greatest share of caretaking.

It’s not always easy to know the best way to do this, or even if there is a way to do it. Many grown children are reluctant to talk with their parent about the possibility of that parent’s death. And even more of those children are uncomfortable discussing the idea that they might want (or need) financial reimbursement for caring for someone they love so much. Alternatively, perhaps you as the parent are the one who is uncomfortable discussing monetary issues with your children.

However, if it is your wish to in some way provide for your caretaker child, the above mentioned article has a few excellent options to help you do so. The suggestions include:

• Executing a Caregiver Agreement
• Providing for your child in your estate plan
• Taking out a Life Insurance policy
• Using one of a few options to transfer your home to your child

Any of these options is a viable way to help provide for a child who is currently helping to provide for you. But each option requires the help of a knowledgeable professional. Call our office today to find out more about your options.

If you have an elderly parent or grandparent, you know how much time and research goes into finding the right care, the right doctor, or the right living situation for them. Caring for the aging population is a growing industry, with new services and options almost every day. Trying to keep up with it can feel close to impossible.

Enter the new professional: Geriatric care managers. This “new” profession is poised to play a significant role in the near future. This article in the New York Times describes geriatric care managers as “guides through the fragmented care landscape, connecting clients with local services, assisted-living facilities and a wide network of paid caregivers, elder law attorneys and financial advisers. They help families find living options, assess the abilities of older people, write care plans and sometimes hire and supervise home help”.

In actuality, geriatric care managers have existed in the United States for about 20 years, but the profession is only now starting to boom. And with a description like the one above, it’s easy to see why.

The aging process in the United States is evolving more quickly than most people thought possible. And more and more baby-boomers, who have yet to reach the age where they need elder care, are planning for their own sunset years rather than leaving it in the hands of their children. Geriatric care managers are likely to become an invaluable resource for the “sandwich generation” AND elderly individuals themselves.

If you are caring for an aging relative, or trying to plan for your own future, consider contacting a geriatric care manager in your area through The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers.

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